oh, to speak freely

friday nite went well with James and his family. had a yummy dinner, and i got to feed Gracie - their youngest - ice cream! seriously, some of the cutest kids i've ever met. played two games of Settlers, of which i won neither...

weekend was aight...for the first time since i've been here, we didn't go anywhere and spent the day at home, doing stuff. after helping Faby pimp up someone's car for a little while (not only is he a graphics designer, but he does cars too) i watched a Seinfeld marathon. yeah, got a good dose of the 10 best episodes and the "special" that was featured at the end of the Seinfeld season. everything from the close talker, to the backwards wedding episode in India, to Celia's forbidden toy collection and Kenny Rogers Chicken...ahh, i felt at home.

i came to a low this weekend, however. as mentioned, being the first weekend that i didn't do anything, i was in a foreign state. back home, i have the liberty to leave when i please, to anywhere i want, with whomever i want...but here, im a little more limited, due to safety - (and the fact that the only actual friends that i made here returned home to the States a few weeks back.) it's not really the best idea for me to wander around Quito by myself, and i don't always want to keep asking various family members to take me here and there. so i stayed in my room...and read...and thought...and read...and journalled. and was then was reminded what of what a perfect opportunity it would have been to hang with God for a bit. it's sad that it takes that state affairs for me to remember to check in with Him... but i did, and it was good. it was a good time of reflection reminding myself why i was here again, and what the purpose was. i was reminded of how blessed i've been since arriving in Quito with my family, and work, and everything else. it's not the obligation of my family to take me out...heck, my siblings don't even have to talk to me, but they do, and we have great conversations. so one day of doing nothing....should be ok. i got a call from a good friend back home on thursday nite as well which probably also reminded me of how easy it is to just pick up a phone and call a friend.

as much as im progressing in spanish, there's still a part of me that yearns to speak fluently. i've received many encouraging comments from Ecuadorians saying that my spanish is getting much better, and that my understanding is greater. just the other day, Cristian and Edison were saying that my understanding is really coming along...but despite my progress.... i still am frustrated that i don't know more. this came up esp on sunday when Cristian was sharing something from his heart over lunch, and i barely understood a word. (had to ask Faby after, "uhhh, so what was Cristian talking about?? is he ok??") heck, i sang a song in my head because i was just so tired of trying and not getting it. it's strange though, because i CAN understand quite a bit of what people say...but i have my moments i suppose. Faby said that he can tell when i don't understand, and knows that i get frustrated cos i kinda zone out, and get really quiet (which im usually not!) and then said, "ok ok, we'll speak more spanish when we talk...it's not fair that im learning so much english, and you feel that you're only learning a little english." a good observation on his part, however, was that when i HAVE to speak spanish and NO ONE else is around, i can...quite well too. i said, "that's probably God." he said that he doesn't understand when James speaks english, or other people, but understands when i do. i guess it's the same with me...i understand my family, Cristian at work...but when other spanish speakers approach me, it's like my mind turns off. kinda of annoying...anyways...

many of you know that im a woman of many words, and to not be able to express them is quite possibly one of the most frustrating things. i love constructing and choose just the right words to convey my heart, and to "water down" the message because i can't speak the language is such a painful thing to do. for example, i was talking to Patty saying that one of the most beautiful things in the world is to see someone come to a deeper understanding of their faith...to see God grow and develop a person, and to see this person grasp the concept of what it means to be a follower of Christ. but the only thing i could say in spanish was "el mejor cosa de vida es mirando Dios cambio las vidas de Su gentes." essentially, "the best thing in life is looking at God change the lives of his people." not quite same punch, you know?

anyways, if you guys could continue to pray for fluency, that would be wonderful. as mentioned previously, my fluency will also help with the ministry at the dump...talking to the kids and having meaningful conversations with them, other than "what's your favourite colour??" i love going to the dump, so being able to speak more will be an asset.

language is a beautiful thing... and i want to embrace this one they call spanish.

dL